Imagine your novel as a storyboard; a series of graphic organizers
(sticky notes on the wall above your writing desk) displayed in sequence
for the purpose of visualizing your story.
Each sticky note represents a scene with a brief description or illustration detailing what happens.
Now, pick one sticky note.
Is this scene essential to moving the plot forward?
Could it be more effective at another point in the story or should it be pulled off the wall and out of your novel completely?
If you're not sure, go down this check list and see if your scene has what it takes to keep the reader interested.
Using THE
RIGHT FIT as an example, I'll be taking excerpts from Chapter three,
the scene where Maxine and Antony meet for the first time.
1. Setting
Ground
the reader in place and time, but instead of saying it was a hot
morning, describe how your protagonist is already sweating in their
shorts and flip flops at the breakfast table.
Chapter three
of THE RIGHT FIT is from Maxine's point of view and it's obvious from
the beginning she's uncomfortable with this setting.
Maxine was already lonesome for her bed and laptop as Crosby pulled her
through the crowd. A line had been snaking along the sidewalk when
they’d pulled up in the cab, but Crosby knew the doorman—she always knew
the doorman. Maxine cringed under the glare from the other patrons
still waiting outside in the frigid late February night as they were
swept inside.
“Is it always like this?” Maxine asked, shouting above the music.
“Of course,” Crosby said, smiling widely. “Uniun is the hottest dance club in Toronto.”
2. Tension
What's
at stake for the protagonist? What is preventing them from reaching
their story goal? There should be some kind of conflict in every scene.
Too
embarrassed to tell them that she was stood up, Maxine lies to her
friends about her botched blind date, but then the guy shows up!
"A mojito with extra mint leaves for the cougar,” Stuart teased. Then
he nodded toward a group of guys even younger than he and Westley.
“Crosby tells me you’re in the market for meaningless sex. I think
delta-gamma-go-all-night over there is a good start. Might as well go
for the sure thing.” He squinted across the room, then added, “Or sure
things if you’re feeling adventurous.”
Over Stuart’s shoulder,
Maxine saw a slim man with a crewcut walking through the crowd, a pint
of beer in one hand. “Oh God!” She panicked. It was the divorced high
school teacher with a phobia for dentists.
She spied the neon
sign for the washrooms, then grabbed her clutch, and quickly left the
table. Stuart called out something, but the music was so loud it drowned
out his words.
3. Emotions
Show how your characters
are feeling. Describe body language. Connect the reader to the POV's
emotional state. Don't forget about senses.
Ah! Their first kiss...
“Hide me!” Maxine blurted out.
He frowned back at her, not understanding.
The crew cut was about to pass them, he was only seconds away from
seeing Maxine in her stained dress, her breasts covered in food.
She panicked. What would Alexis Colby do?
“Est-ce que—”
Maxine never heard the rest of his question. His words disappeared
against her lips as she grabbed him by the t-shirt and pulled him to
her, pressing them both against the wall.
She breathed in a
spicy scent, and his stubble grazed her chin. Shocked by her own
actions, Maxine stayed locked in the embrace. The kiss was chaste, but
as the seconds passed with neither one moving from the other, the moment
changed, becoming heavier, more charged.
She was all too aware
of the warmth of his lips, the pressure of his mouth against hers. Then
he leaned back. His surprised expression matched her sputtering pulse.
“Merci, Ms. Dior,” he said.
Maxine blinked a few times,
her footing felt wrong, like the floor was tipping. “I…uh,” she started.
“Sorry about that. I must have slipped.”
4. Dialogue
Employ
key phrases for characters, but be careful of repetition. Nail the
voice. Does it move the plot forward or is it just chit chat?
Since
Antony is French, their first conversation in a loud dance club gets
construed, but his assumption that her name is Ms. Dior is quickly
established as her nickname and is played out as a cute quirk between
the two of them as the novel progresses.
“Est-ce que ça va?” he asked, bending down closer to her ear.
“Excuse me?”
His look of concern melted into a wide-eyed stare. “Belle rousse?” he said.
“Bathrooms?” Maxine shouted up at him. “They’re down the hall.”
He gave her a mischievous grin. “Are you okay?” His gaze wandered her face, then lowered and fixated on her chest.
She looked down and saw her green dress was stained, and the extra mint
leaves from her drink had settled in between her ample breasts like
some kind of cleavage dam. A wave of mortified embarrassment collapsed
over her. And in addition to everything else, the outfit was ruined.
Carmine would be so upset. “It’s vintage Dior,” she said, her voice
crumbling a bit.
A complicated series of frowns played across
his features. “I can pay for dry cleaning,” he offered. There was a
pause, then he added, “Ms. Dior.”
5. Action
Action
can be as simple as your protagonist finally calling up her secret
crush, or as complex as a car chase through road blocks and marching
bands.
Standing against the wall in a daze, Maxine watched
his broad for cut a path through the crowded bar. What the hell had she
just done? Maybe he was going to tell a bouncer about her. She could
imagine the conversation. “There’s a large woman in an old tight dress
grabbing guys by the bathroom.”
“No problem, sir, we’ll have her contained immediately. Grab the tranquilizer gun!”
Snickering to her left snapped her back to attention. Two girls who
looked barely old enough to drink were standing in skintight dresses
with their heads together laughing behind manicured nails, cutting
glances across the way. Maxine stood wearing her stained vintage Dior
that now seemed musty and antique.
Expecting to be tossed for
violating hot lumberjacks, Maxine rushed to the closest exit, not even
bothering to get her coat. The sharp winter air almost took her breath
away.
6. Internalization
Internalization is what the
character is thinking, it takes the general and makes it personal. It's
a great tool for handling infodumps, just make sure to keep it in their
voice (let them internalize and judge what they’re thinking about) then
it comes across more naturally.
Maxine opened her clutch and
looked at her phone. She’d actually gone fifty-five minutes without
thinking about him. That was a record. But now, of course he was all she
could think about. Did he think about her? Did he miss having coffee in
bed on Sunday mornings while she read the comics and he did the
crossword—he always used a pen, never a pencil. She loved that
confidence about him. In fact, she still had the last puzzle he’d done.
The familiar stone lodged itself in her heart. She loved Johnny. She
still loved Johnny. They had been together for four years.
Four years!
Four years of sharing and dreaming. Four years of walking through Umbra
making imaginary purchases for their future home. Four years of waiting
in the arrivals at the airport every time he came home—she was always
there to meet him.
And four years of walks in the park when they
would make spontaneous plans, like the time they decided to adopt a
rescue dog…except neither one of them filled out the forms.
Four years.
The burden of all that time was too much for Maxine to ignore. She
simply refused to accept all that time, all that work with Johnny was
for nothing.
7. Hook
A development the reader wasn't
expecting that throws more conflict toward the protagonist, and keeps
the reader invested and turning the pages.
The cabbie beeped his horn and swore at the traffic, unable to pull into the lane.
“I have no place I need to be,” Maxine said, picturing her bed and
laptop. She thought back to the kiss with the stranger and how foolish
she must have seemed to him. “Alexis Colby never looks like a fool,” she
whispered to herself. “She would have kissed him again—no that’s not
right. She would have slapped him first, then kissed him back hard, and
then left him wanting more.”
The cab driver narrowed his gaze at her in the rearview mirror.
“Wouldn’t it be great if life was like 80’s TV?” Maxine asked him.
“Everyone was in shoulder pads and size double zero didn’t exist.”
He shrugged then turned up the radio.
Maxine hugged her elbows. The traffic lights reflected off her fingernails.
A
sharp blast of frigid air ripped through the backseat. A massive upper
body wrapped in a thin cortex jacket jumped in the backseat. Before the
cabbie could protest, Maxine turned and was face to face with an ACE
Towing ball.
THE RIGHT FIT is available now!
So, how does your scene measure up?
What are some of your favorite scenes from novels?
Daphne Dubois writes steamy contemporary romance and loves putting her
characters in awkward situations. She believes the right book at the
right time can make all the difference.
